Психолог, гештальт терапевт та психологічний консультант.
Stages of Separation-Individuation

The process of separation-individuation is a natural part of every person’s development, helping us to detach from our parents and find our unique identity. Psychoanalyst Margaret Mahler studied this process in detail and identified several key stages that every child goes through in their development. Let’s look at these stages, their characteristics, and how they manifest at different ages.

Main Stages of Separation-Individuation According to Margaret Mahler

Margaret Mahler divided the separation-individuation process into four main stages: differentiation, practicing, rapprochement, and individuation. Each of these stages is an important step in a child’s development, as they help the child gradually separate from their mother and begin to form their own identity.

Differentiation Stage

Stage Description: The differentiation stage typically begins at around 5-10 months of age. During this time, the child starts to realize that they are a separate entity from their mother. Before this stage, the child perceives themselves and their mother as a single unit, but now they begin to distinguish themselves from others and explore the world around them.

Characteristics: The child starts paying more attention to their surroundings and differentiating themselves from their mother by looking at other people and objects. They begin to explore their own body, movements, and examine objects with their hands and mouth. This is a very important period when the child starts to understand that they can control their actions and influence the world around them.

Practicing Stage

Stage Description: The next stage is the practicing stage, which usually occurs between 10 and 18 months of age. During this period, the child begins to actively explore the surrounding world, as they already have some motor skills, such as crawling and taking their first steps.

Characteristics: The child becomes more mobile and starts to move further away from their mother to explore the world around them. They still need the mother as a secure base and periodically return to her, but they feel more confident in their abilities. The child starts to understand that they can act independently of their mother, which is a very important step toward autonomy.

Rapprochement Stage

Stage Description: The rapprochement stage occurs approximately between 18 and 24 months of age. After a period of actively exploring the world, the child once again feels a need for closeness and connection with the mother.

Characteristics: At this stage, the child begins to understand their dependence on their mother but also their separateness from her. They may show more emotional attachment, need more attention, and be sensitive to separation. This period can be challenging because the child starts to understand that they cannot always be close to their mother, but it is also a time when they learn to reconnect with her after exploring.

Individuation and Stabilization Stage

Stage Description: The final stage is individuation and stabilization, which lasts approximately from 2 to 3 years of age and beyond. This is the period when the child begins to develop a more stable sense of their own identity and independence.

Characteristics: The child now better understands themselves as a separate person with their own thoughts and feelings. They begin to use words to express their needs and desires and learn to regulate their emotions. The child becomes more confident in their ability to act independently but also understands the need for support and connection with parents and other adults.

How These Stages Manifest at Different Ages

These stages of separation-individuation manifest differently at different ages, depending on the child’s development. In early childhood (up to 3 years old), these stages are most clearly manifested because the child is actively learning to understand who they are and to separate from their mother. As they grow older, these processes continue but become more complex.

In adolescence, for example, teenagers go through separation phases again as they seek greater independence from their parents, form their own identity, and explore their own values and beliefs. During this period, they may experience conflicts with parents, often due to the need for independence and the desire to be seen as adults.

In adulthood, the processes of separation-individuation may manifest in making independent decisions, setting boundaries in relationships and at work, and shaping one’s own life path. This process continues throughout life, helping us become more aware and independent individuals.

The stages of separation-individuation described by Margaret Mahler help us better understand how a person develops and becomes an independent individual. These stages are an important part of our lives and development, as they help us find our place in the world, establish our boundaries, and become confident individuals. Understanding these processes can help parents support their children through the challenging period of growing up, as well as help adults better understand themselves and their relationships with others.